When you see that distant look in my eyes, know it's him i'm thinking about. Let me be. Let me dwell in that memory.

i'm exhausted.
i never thought emotions could push you to such limits.

i try really hard not to be angry.
but i can't help it if this creates change. cause in some strange way i feel it would.

different moments change different things.
maybe this is our moment and our thing. that would change where we are and how we are.

i just really want to go home.
wherever home is.

it's times like these when i hear me telling myself, get over it. move on.
and usually, when this happens it's really because i am geared and ready to let wtv it is behind.

but here i am today, knowing i am not ready for this. knowing i do not want to do this but also knowing i have to.

it's a new sensation.
it's something i have never experienced.

it sucks.

but then again.
move on hex. cause you have to move on.

it's a wednesday. i keep having to tell myself that. today's a forgetful day. it rained on the car last night and pretty yellow flowers stuck onto its roof. i wanted to drive a little faster so it would fly off it and shower the car behind me with a confetti of flowers. i always wanted to own a drive through that serves our favorite breakfast items early in the morning. cereal in milk, bacon and eggs, scones with cream, a donut, curry puff, nasi lemak bungkus, yoghurt with fruits and of course, good coffee. i hope it will rain tonight as i sleep so more yellow flowers will fall onto the roof of my car. i wish i could hang out with janet in delicious again, gorging over sinful mac+cheese, salad, coffee then complain about not having space for dessert but ordering one anyway- not without the fight of which to order. i also want to be at 95% at this moment, chopping 95% chops all over recipts and signing them off. makes me feel important. and at the end of every rainbow, there is hope and i still do believe if i wish for one, it would come true. rainbows own stars.

"how is it," asked the little bird, "that you did not realise she wasn't happy when she was with you? it was so clear for all to see."

"love like they say, is blind. i was happy. very happy. but because all i could see and feel was that happiness that she was with me, i could not see she was not happy with me. she doesn't love me. as she didn't realise she didn't."

then love fell from the nest onto ground it lay rest.
for the woman who died in this love nest, never once was she in love with what was in front but always what was behind.