ive been feeling under the weather recently.
even mildly depressed.

and maybe mildly depressed is putting it a little too mildly.

i guess it's ok for me to say this here since no one reads this anymore anyway.

i tried so many ways to keep my head above the water and i guess ive been doing a pretty good job of it. and now it feels like ive been forcefully pushed under again. maybe people find it an accomplishment for people to be miserable.

misery loves company.
i guess that is very true.

but i guess i believe in myself enough to pull myself out from under it. no problem at all.
cause this depressing thing is getting very sickening.

i'm so much better than this.

Merry Merry Christmas everyone!

walking down 11th and 13th.
i see the sky so so very blue.
and the saltiness of the sea rises slowly to my nose.
miles and miles of sand, warm beneath my feet as if a gentle massage on my tired toes.
the sun kisses my nose, so gently, only felt through the wind.
the beach chairs burn my tired back so slightly. and it feels so good.
beside me, a warm figure in his sunnies. so familiar yet so foreign, pulls me to him.
we share a beach chair. he falls asleep with me and my pet book on his lap.
instead of a being a trip to forget, it became the first of many warm naps to come.

you don't share my sentiments and i guess that's ok.

i can't decide.
if i want to stay or if i want to go.